So the last few months, almost 2 years now actually, I've been struggling with chronic knee pain. Some days I can walk normally and have almost no pain, only when I carry heavy things *camera equipment is heavy guys*. But lately the pain has been debilitating up to the point where I can not put any weight on my leg and I can't walk at all without using crutches. Going outside for a walk with my tiny fur baby has been an almost distant memory, it breaks my heart that I miss so many of our walks together. Luckily my boyfriend came to the rescue for him. Spontaneous trips to the city or going to a gig that involves a lot of standing is not on my menu anymore. And shooting is definitely been very very little, I can do no big jobs as they require me to be in top fit condition. I am restricted with what I can do work-wise. There are so many days that I can't do what I love most which is my job as a photographer.
It has become physically and mentally the challenge of a lifetime and is often very draining to the point where it leaves me completely at a loss for how I'm supposed to spend my time. The work and life routines I've grown accustomed to don't work anymore so I'm trying to figure out new ways to go about things. I still get up at a reasonable hour, have breakfast, do my knee exercises and get some cycling in, then I try to think of something that I can do other than resting and binge watch tv. I just rebooted this website again and noticed I still had this blog and just started writing. I always try to stay creative and busy, although it's hard when there are no more photos to edit, or no more shoots to plan or hustle, because you will have to say no to the client anyway. "sorry, no I can't shoot this campaign, I can't walk" is coming in pretty hard when your whole life has revolved around photography. It's an eye opener for sure. I don't really know who I am if not a photographer and what else I like, it's been a interesting rollercoaster ride to try and figure that out.
I have been thinking of ways of to make money and still work with my hands and with people but in another way, with more sitting down and less heavy equipment and I've decided to learn a new skill on how to do nails. I got a grant from the government that pays for it which I'm very happy about.
My nail technician course will start in June, so that's something to look forward to.
Furthermore I want to make my website a more personal experience and platform for me to create, instead of just a portfolio to showcase my stuff on, which I think instagram replaced anyway. I want the landing page to look like a magazine editorial so I can keep playing an redesigning the layout as I please. Then I can keep adding more blogs so things will come to live more and I want to write more also, instead of keeping all these thoughts locked inside the chaos of my head why not write them down so there will be more clarity?